Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Mon Oct 09, 2006 at 03:58:30 pm EDT
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A Eulogy & a Prologue of things to come
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It's a cold, overcast morning at Our Heavenly Saints Cemetery in Gothametropolis York.
It was a good day for a funeral.

Jane Tarzania walks among the many stone edifices, the dates & names carved into their faces are from decades past. Jane's walk is not the most stable, she wobbles a bit in his black leather high heeled shoes. As she narrowly avoids twisting her ankles she wonders "What they heck am I doing this? Am I so under the control of my former boyfriend that I'll respond to any message he sends me." Then in a mocking tone, she mumbles to her self the note he wrote on the invite she has in her coat pocket "Jane, suit up!"

A few Mourners turn to her direction after her hearing her. Jane blushes & whispers sorry & they turn their attention back to the ceremony a hand. Jane walks around looking for her party, it shouldn't be hard to notice her former boyfriend, he only every wears neon red & yellow. After a few passes around the back of the semi-circle of mourners, Jane is stopped by a sad looking gentlemen.

"Excuse me, miss. Can I help you?" He whispered in a quiet, sad tone.

"Sure. I'm looking for Mr. Beeslyhuxtoy." Jane said in a hushed tone.

The man thought for a moment. "Beeslyhuxtoy. Beeslyhuxtoy..." he said offhandedly as he thought. "Oh! Ronald!" he said.

"Yes."

"Well, He'll be on in a few minutes but the people He came with are over there." The Man said & pointed off in the distances a bit.

"Thank you, Mr...." Jane said & paused waiting for a name.

"Mr. Smith." He said & offered his hand.

Jane took the hand & shook it, then went over to where he had pointed.

Jane had to make her way through a few rows over people until she found some people she recognized. "Hi, Chad." she whispered.

He smiled & nodded his head hello. Chad was wearing what past as formal dress for him: His darkest pair of blue jeans, black converse high tops, His powder blue bowling shirt which was under a black suit jacket & he had a dark red bow tie on, too. His normally messy brown hair was neatly combed & parted on the left. The black plastic of his horned rimmed glasses even seemed polished.

One thing Jane noticed was missing was Chad's Accordion. She leaned over and asked where it was, Chad pointed over to near the casket, there it was.

On the other side of Chad was Catherine Gillespie, Chad's Girlfriend. She was dressed up in a gothic inspired black dress. On her hands were black lace gloves. In one of her hands was a black umbrella. Catherine's pitch black hair was put up in a sensible ponytail (Jane had noticed that she had taken out the beads, the braids & light blue highlights). Catherine's ruby red lipstick really shown against her somewhat pale complexion. Her eye glasses also seemed polished.

Jane waved hello at Catherine & She waved back. Jane was going to say hello but saw the looks She was getting from a few people & decided it was not the right time to do that.

The Pastor of the ceremony stood up from his chair just to the left of the casket & as he stood at the head of the casket, he began to speak: "Today, we lay to rest one of the most wonderful woman I've ever met. She was kind to all she met & was always ready to help even in her old age. As per her request, Miss Smith's Sonny Boy, Ronald Beeslyhuxtoy will now give her Eulogy."

The Pastor then sat back down & Ronnie got up. This was a different Ronnie then she'd seen for the most part but is seeing more often: a more solemn man. He was even dressed differently, Ronnie was not in his normal bright colored clothing, he was wearing more subdued colors: a black suit with dark red dress suit. He had a yellow flower on lapel. His hair was even different, instead of his normal red afro, his hair was depoofed & slicked back. This look reminded Jane of when she was captured by his Evil Twin & that thought made her shiver.

Ronnie stood at the head of the casket & then nodded in Chad's general direction, he walked up & picked up his accordion. Ronnie began to speak "When I was asked to give this, I didn't know what I wanted to say. Mrs Smith, my old lady, has meant so much to me & I'm sure has meant much to most of you. I've thought about what I was to say long & hard. But, I finally came to something that I think would honor her memory."

Ronnie clears his throat & Chad begins to play a low, bluesy number. "Mrs Smith, I am glad I got to be in your Dash, sure it was only the last little bit of that dash, but we sure had a good time didn't we?"

Ronnie looked down at the Casket & then back up at the people. "We are all part of Mrs Smith's Dash. The Dash I refer to is the one on her tombstone, on one side is the date she was born & on the other the date she past from this mortal existence to the next stage. In the middle is a dash, probably no longer then an inch or two. But, this dash represents her whole life. Now we gathered here & some others only know how much this little line is worth. Look around you, we are surrounded by thousands of tiny little lines. If we added them all together, they probably wouldn't add up to more then a couple feet but the people those lines represent is great. I'm not saying what she or any of us made or own over the course of the line matters, it is how we lived, loved & spent our time during the dash. Mrs Smith spent it well, can you say that about your Dash? I'd like to think I've spent my Dash well."

Ronnie looked back down at the Casket & said "See you later, little lady." Ronnie then took the flower from his lapel & placed it on the casket. Chad stopped playing, Ronnie when back to his seat & Chad went back over into the crowd.

The Pastor got back up, he took out a white handkerchief, brushed away some tears & said "Anyone else want to say something?"

There was silence, the only sound that could heard was the wind.

"Well, then." The pastor said. He then consecrated the grave & the service was over.

-----------------


As the people left, Ronnie was thanked for his words. Once most had left & it was on the four of them, Jane asked "Who was Mrs Smith?"

"She was my Old Lady!" Ronnie responded as he feed Little Cat as jelly bean.

Jane was about to say something, then stopped & thought again. "Who mean like that woman who visited Chad when he was in jail?"

"Yes. They were our unofficially adopted grandmothers."

"Is Mrs Johnson still around?"

"Yes. She had to be here, but she had a Doctor's appointment she couldn't reschedule." Ronnie said.

As the group continued to talk, they didn't notice they were being watched. A man stood off in the shadows, he did not want to be seen. His long, buttoned up trench coat flapped in the slight breeze. He pressed a button on his wrist communicator & then spoke "Store Manager, sir?"

There was silence. He repeated "Store Manager, sir?"

More Silence. Just before he repeated the phrase for a third time, he got a response. "Yes, Employee 53."

"I've tracked the targets to the Our Heavenly Saints Cemetery in Gothametropolis York, they were attending a funeral for a woman. What should be my course of action?"

"Are they alone?"

"Mostly. It is just then, the hamster & the women."

"Good. Await the Bag Boys & exact plan Alpha Alpha Bravo Tango Wang Chung."

"Understood, Store Manager."

The transmission ended & Employee 53 watched & waited for back up. He knows that when you don't mess with his employer without getting his vengeance rolled back all over you.

-----------------

TO BE CONTINUED!

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FOOTNOTES:

The "Old Ladies" were first mentioned in The Chad & Ronnie Murder Mystery #2. Ronnie's Evil Twin was seen in The Chad & Ronnie Murder Mystery #4. Chad's Girlfriend, Catherine, was first seen and first mentioned in The Chad & Ronnie Murder Mystery #5.

The thing I based Ronnie's Eulogy off of was somewhat ironically e-mailed to me by Scott sometime ago.

The Store Manager has been seen in the Chad & Ronnie stories before, he made one appearance in a early C&R story. They wrecked at little havoc in this store location, so I think may understand why he wants revenge on Chad & Ronnie.


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